Tall Man

I just went out and got new glasses. I am pretty blind without the specs and needed a back up pair to survive my daughter's impending terrible twos. Otherwise, I would be reenacting scenes from Scooby Doo as Thelma: "Where are my glasses, Scooby".

$650 later, I have 2 pairs of glasses. You could fry eggs on these babies and not smear or scratch the lens. NASA uses the same lenses on their cockpits and the astronauts can look right into the sun without blinking. The material is sewn into NASCAR drivers underwear and reduce the skid marks by 53% during a crash or beer induced wet fart. I could use these glasses to stop bullets and never see a mark afterwards to tell the tale.

$650.

Did any other seeing eye dog applicant ever notice the way the glasses shops are set-up? I have to take off my real glasses to try on my new frames. These model frames have no prescription lens, so I am forced to smash my nose against the mirror to catch a glimpse of my new look. I look like a Asian (squinty) version of Rocky Balboa (smashed nose). Why not make mirrors that magnify, big fucking mirrors, instead of the small oval torture devices. I just spent $650 for god's sake.

Inevitably, I leave with woman's frames. I am the sexist Asian light weight champion in work on Monday, I know it.

It will take three years to completely forget the experience, save up, and begin the sadistic ritual again. God save Lenscrafters!!!!